So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
