Where is the hickey?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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