thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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