i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
