My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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