I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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