Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
