I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
