you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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