...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
