My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
