haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
