she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
