Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
