why didn't you poke me back
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
