I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
