You just made me feel so damn special
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
