yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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