On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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