can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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