The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
