why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
