she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
