There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
