i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he had hair everywhere except his balls
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
