He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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