I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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