I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
