5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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