i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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