you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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