This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he wants to bone in the snuggie
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
