Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
