Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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