Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
