In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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