I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
