We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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