the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
