His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
