God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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