his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
