We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
