i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
