Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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