hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
