Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
