Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
