My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
