Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
