Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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