I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
