Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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