He felt like a one man threesome
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
