i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
