ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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