Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
