Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
