i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
