you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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