Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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