Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
