peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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