I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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