We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
