You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
