just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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