I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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