Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌