Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"