i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?