Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later