i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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