Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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