We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
