I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
