you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
