Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
