worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
