he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
