i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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